William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)
“Cats in the Cradle” lyrics
My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home dad?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then
My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then
Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head and said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then
I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"
And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then
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This is a song about a father who spent all his time working on personal endeavors and didn't take the time to get to know his son. As we look back on our achievements did we really know what the actual price that would be paid for our pleasures?
In our song we see that when the father retired, he had time on his hands, and he wanted to get to know his son better, but it was too late, his son was grown, had a family of his own, and wasn't interested in spending time with his Dad.
Then you realize the meaning of these crushing words and the anguish that they have brought to bear upon your psyche. Did your dad have to feel this same anguish, as does your son and he his son and so on. When does it stop or will it ever stop? I am truly sorry that I have allowed it to happen with my son and grandson. Hopefully I shall be the last to be guilty of allowing these conflicts to exist.
I believe it has a lot to do with how we were raised and the era had a lot to do with it as well. Being what is considered a “Baby Boomer” I grew up as a child through the transitional years of the 50’s and into the torrential 60’s when the values of our country began to change. But it was the 70’s and 80’s that were the years that the cat was in the cradle for me.
Now in my declining years with the realization of the importance of understanding my own father and the years of back breaking hard work he put in, in his attempt to provide for his family. What were his values and what did he pass on to me? What did I pass on to my son?
Where did we disconnect? What was it that caused the disconnect? Can we reconnect before it’s too late? All questions that can put you into a quandary.
I truly want to apologize to my son for not being the father that he expected or became.
For it is my lose that I have to bare the anguish of me deeds. With the hope that someday my love for him will be sustained.
I love you Marco,
Your Dad
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Why Fathers Count
Interview: with Wade F. Horn
Dr. Wade Horn is a clinical child psychologist and President of the the National Fatherhood Initiative.
"Fatherlessness is our most urgent social problem," says Wade Horn of the National Fatherhood Initiative.
Nearly 23 million American children do not live with their biological fathers. And 40 percent of the kids of divorced parents haven't seen their fathers in the past year. These statistics aren't just disturbing, they are alarming, says Wade F. Horn, Ph.D., a child psychologist and director of the National Fatherhood Initiative, a new organization that promotes fathers' rights and responsible fatherhood. "Over the last three decades we have engaged in a great social experiment to determine what will happen if large numbers of children are reared without their fathers. And the conclusion is children suffer greatly," says Horn, former U.S. Commissioner for Children, Youth and Families in the Bush Administration. "I don't believe it's possible to significantly improve the well-being of children without first reconnecting them to their fathers." We talked with Horn recently about why fathers count.
What effect does fatherlessness have on children?
If you look at any measure of child well-being, you see that kids are placed at great risk when they grow up absent their fathers. They're more likely to have psychological problems, abuse drugs and alcohol, live in poverty and fail in school. Seventy percent of kids in state reform institutions grew up without their fathers.
Some might take that as a criticism of the ability of single mothers to raise their kids correctly.
This is not a black mark on single mothers. There is an increasing number of children growing up in single-father households, and it seems the outcomes for those kids aren't very rosy either. What we are saying is that children really need both a mother and a father.
But we know a lot of people who were raised by only their mothers after their fathers died, and they turned out just fine.
That's about the only father-absent situation where a child isn't at risk. And it's because the father's memory is
typically kept alive in very positive ways as opposed to a divorce situation where the father is generally not revered - you know, where the mother says, "Oh, your father's a bum; we don't need him."
Why do we need fathers? Why do they count?
Fathers parent differently than mothers do. For example, we know mothers tend to be more verbal with their children and fathers much more physical. Particularly with boys, fathers engage in rough-and-tumble play. What we're discovering is that this serves as practice for boys to develop control over their aggression. So, it's a combination of the father's tendency to challenge achievement combined with the mother's typical nurturing that creates happy kids. Now, fathers play an extra role when it comes to daughters. They give girls the experience of having a relationship with a man who shows that the definition of love is "I care more about you than myself." That's important, because when girls start looking for mates, if they have the expectation that a man should be like Dad, they will be more likely to hold out for that positive model.
So how do you fix the problem of so many children growing up in fatherless homes?
First, we have to recognize the importance of fathers. Right now we say they are money - breadwinners or child-support checks. Well, that's nonsense. We have to understand that fathers provide something unique and irreplaceable. Second, we have to change our minds about marriage. We've communicated that marriage is an impermanent institution. But if we reconnect marriage with a sense of permanence, then when you hit the rough spots, you'll be more willing to work through them, and that has a direct impact on children.
Admirable goals, but you're always going to have divorce. What can a man who's divorced or facing a divorce do now to make
sure he plays that essential role in his kid's lives?
Settle the question, "How am I going to stay involved with my children?" Make that the first issue the court must focus on. If you find yourself post divorce and are having trouble with visitation, go back to the courts and ask them to enforce it.
If you don't have visitation rights or if you have meager ones, go to court and ask them to renegotiate them. But go armed with the argument that what you want is to ensure that your children have the opportunity to benefit from your involvement in their lives.
